Time together...

Today started off great! I'm in such a good mood!! Before we scattered ourselves to Bucks, Montgomery and Mercer counties, my wife, daughter and I went out to breakfast together this morning to celebrate my wife's birthday. It was so nice to start off a regular work day in such a special way.

Trees and Snow...

Snow on the bare trees looks so comforting to me. I wonder why? It snowed a wet snow last night on my drive home. I really didn't care that traffic was heavy and I was going nowhere slower than a snail. It gave me the opportunity to gaze out of my window at the countryside being frosted. The contrasts were for some reason comforting. The white snow against the dark of the trees, rocks and barns. A stream cut through the blanket of white like ink on rice paper. As I breathed in and out while gazing, I could feel myself becoming calmer. For the first time that day I felt good.

Oyster Crackers

I don't know what it is about Oyster Crackers that causes me to pause and appreciate how they feel, smell and look in my upturned hand before dropping them one by one into my cream of mushroom soup. The small bowl of soup took five crackers. Anymore and it would be too crowded. I let them soak for a bit before eating. Then I have to dunk them before taking a spoonful of soup plus cracker into my mouth. Mmmmmmmm... warm, soggy oyster crackers, still with a crunch. Yum!

Quotable

Teach me, like you,
   to drink creation whole
And casting out myself,
   become a soul.

~ Richard Wilbur

Birthday

Happy Birthday to ME! I usually don't like to toot my own horn but in this case I will!! Today is my b-day. It's kinda a ho-hum birthday as far as numeric significance is concerned (36). We're planning to celebrate with a quite dinner for two tonight at a local favorite. Then we get to do it over again next Thursday as we celebrate my wife turning 36 as well!! How's that for freaky!!

Quote

In the presence of eternity
the moutains are as transient as the clouds.
~ Robert Green Ingersoll

Amy

Two whole days without hitting! Woo hoo!! I think Amy is finally getting the message that no matter how angry or frustrated she gets, it is NOT OK to hit. Our family counselor friend suggested that we just keep stressing this message over, and over, and over again. "It's not ok to hit." She also stressed to us that we keep working with Amy to share her feelings and that it IS ok to feel angry, frustrated or disappointed. "Use your words, not your hands." was another key phrase she suggested we use over and over with her. It was good to get feedback that we were on the right track with how we were trying to handle things.

In case you're interested, here's a picture of Amy taken about 5 months ago. I just love this photo and have it framed on my desk at work. Cheers me up ever time I see it!! BTW, I like this happy, sweet faced Amy MUCH better than the face we get when she's pissed as hell! *smile*

Parenthood Challenges

Things are starting to get very challenging for me as a parent right now. Amy is 4 1/2 years old and up until now there have been moments of great challenge like sleepless nights, trips to the emergency room, asthma attacks, etc. but I somehow got through those crises in a relatively undisturbed way.

But the current challenge of Amy's anger, smart mouthing and hitting outbursts on a daily basis has me completely on edge and at a complete loss of how to handle it. My approach towards these outbursts has been to acknowledge her feelings (anger, disappointment, etc.) and try and get her to talk about it rather than wailing on Daddy with a hardcover book in response to a privilege being taking away due to bad behavior. But that's not working anymore. I think we've taken away everything that seems to hold value for her and she still remains defiant and disrespectful. I was raised in a house where getting a spanking was the way these behavioral problems were dealt with. My wife and I both were, but we don't want to raise Amy that way. Now I'm starting to think it's an option. But deep down I really don't want to hit my child. In the moment I might want to, but that just feels like I'm reacting from my own anger or fear.

Last night however, I came the closest I've ever come to just smacking her butt. She was being so defiant and I had already taken away TV privileges, several favorite toys and dolls, etc. I just didn't know what to do. The situation just felt totally out of control. So instead of hitting her I did something that I've never done, I just started yelling at her. I never do that. I felt like crap afterwards (still do in fact). I don't like that person inside me.

My wife and I are going to talk with this family therapist friend of ours to see if she has any suggestions on how we can handle things better. It just might be time to get this book "Everyday Blessing: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting" by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn!!

Thomas Merton Quote

One bird sits still
Watching the work of God:
One turning leaf,
Two falling blossoms,
Ten circles upon the pond.

~ Thomas Merton

Sharing an Article on "Nonviolent Communication"

Check out this article in the publication "dharma life" on this formalized model of communication that promotes a non-threatening, non-judgmental, mindful and compassionate way of interacting with others in challenging situations.

Pretty neat stuff. I know for myself separating my evaluating mind from what's factually going on in the particular dynamic I find myself caught up in is EXTREMELY difficult. I'm constantly evaluating the situation against my needs and what I want to get out it rather than truly listening to the other person and their needs and feelings. This is another area in my life that I can work to practice the precepts to the best of my ability and hopefully get better at being truly a good listener.

Checking out some new blogger features

Apparently features have been added at Blogger.com and I didn't know. I aught to pay attention to these things. *smile* I can now offer a site feed for my blog. Huh, who knew? Would anyone be interested in that?

Oh, and I can have titles to my posts now too. I'll have to figure out how to put that in my template I guess. Man do I feel like a dork. Here I have a degree in Computer Engineering and write software for a living but this weblog / web publishing stuff just seems to pass me by. Oh well, different priorities I guess.

I was just remarking to a friend this morning how I'm just so ready for winter to be over, then I come across this piece of wisdom:

Ten thousand flowers in spring,
the moon in autumn,
a cool breeze in summer,
snow in winter.
If your mind isn’t clouded by
unnecessary things,
this is the best season of your life.

~ WU-MEN

Makes me think of why I want winter to be over. Is it the cold? Is it the stressful driving the mornings of freezing rain and snow? Is it having to juggle schedules when Amy's school closes due to the weather? Is it being disappointed that I haven't been skiing as much as I'd like to? Truthfully, it's all of the above. Screw that Pennsylvania groundhog!! I WANT SPRING!!

A new issue of the Sotoshu Shumucho Zen Quarterly publication is now available:

Zen Friends Vol.15, No.1 2004

Sorry to be away for so long folks. Life has just been overwhelming lately. With my wife full-swing into her last semester of nursing school (and the increased number of clinical hours that has meant) and increasing responsibilities at work, I've been so lax about posting to my weblog. My sitting practice has been hurt by all this business as well. I've been practicing letting go of the "should haves" and doing a fairly decent job of it. There have been times when I'm just sitting there in bed after a long day yearning to be sitting calmly on my cushion when BAM!, I just fall asleep!! Ahhh, such is life right now!!

I think a day trip to Mt. Equity is in order very soon!! I haven't been since November and I need the support of other practitioners at the moment.